Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Are You Ready to be a Parent?

Got this joke from a close friend (* Thanks John!) via email forwards.

Check out the following tests to see whether you are ready to enter into parenthood... Enjoy!


MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.


FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.


NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m., begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.


AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

12 comments:

Mark said...

I think I'll pass the guy's part, since my wallet's empty anyway. =-P

Regards
Mark
http://earlychildcare.wordpress.com/

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Mark, when you open your childcare center then wallet not empty anymore loh!! :D

Mark said...

...

Both my wallet and my bank account will be empty. I'll be in debt!

When I was working in finance, I happily watched my "numbers" going up. Now, not only going up, going down down down. =-P

Regards
Mark
http://earlychildcare.wordpress.com/

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Choi choi!! After a while, biz settle down the numbers will go up one lah!! :D

Mark said...

Wah, how awhile? I left my finance job quite awhile ago, can't tahan forever! >.<

Regards
Mark
http://earlychildcare.wordpress.com/

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Aiya... suffer first, then shake legs later mah... shouldn't you like save alot first before venture into this field? Anyway, how expensive is it to join this childcare field?

Mark said...

Hey, I been suffering long long time already, when can shake legs? =-P It's like I built myself up in finance, and when it was time to shake leg, I cleverly left. =-P They were going to give me a huge raise too, sigh.

Yea, I got a big bonus as well. That helped me to think I'd saved up enough, but things are moving so so slowly. And every week some new expense pops up. =-P

My short term goals became medium term, my medium term became long, and my long term became dreams. =-P

Regards
Mark
http://earlychildcare.wordpress.com/

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Sounds like me... I left my Unit Trust company's big bonus to join a bank, then return back to the UT company and leave behind a big bonus & 10 days marriage leave at the bank...

Anyway, Chinese got this saying, when the boat reach the jetty, it will straighten up itself. Wish you all the best wor! Ganbatte and cheer up!

Mark said...

Haha, then you didn't learn from your mistakes did you? :)

Yea, I worry the boat sink halfway without reaching the jetty!

Regards
Mark
http://earlychildcare.wordpress.com/

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Mark...nah... probably just not too bothered with getting bonuses... :P

Hey, you must think positive! Not often we get to see a male in the female dominated industry!

Mark said...

Bonus = Money! =-P

Just because you don't often see a cow swimming with ducks doesn't mean you should encourage it. ;)

Regards
Mark
http://earlychildcare.wordpress.com/

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Wah, cannot think like that! Think positive! You are unique! Market yourself on that! :)

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