Tuesday, 29 September 2009

To Tell or Not To Tell...

Came across this question on Babycenter forum today which goes like this - "Is it really true that you shouldn't tell anyone that you're pregnant when you're in your early stage of your pregnancy? and that you should wait at least until you are 2 months pregnant before you can share your joy with your loved ones?"

And so I replied "
I told my hubby, our family member & my closest friends the instant I saw the home pregnancy test turned positive. Then followed by telling my colleagues at work the next day. I'm not sure about other races, but if you are a Chinese, it is one of the superstitions that you should not tell anyone about it until you are at least 3 months pregnant. We don't believe in these sort of things (and many other Chinese superstitions) and I honestly believe that good news like this should be shared. "

I mean... how could you keep such a good news to yourself? How could you contain that euphoric feeling? Well unless you are still studying or that baby is unplanned or out-of-wedlock kind of case, I seriously cannot comprehend how can we just zip our mouth shut and pretend like normal - all in the name of fearing something will happen if you tell people about it?

Wouldn't you want people to be happy for you and bless you as well? Below
is my true story and how I learnt from my mistake to not keep things to myself for fear of superstitious things like this...

Here goes... (rewind back to 11th July 2008)

I still remember the nervousness I had the morning I woke up and planned to buy the home pregnancy test at work during lunch and how I thought of the scenarios on how the testing should be done, what will the results be, how should I react if it's positive or negative etc etc.

During lunch, I actually went to the pharmacy in front of my office block and circled the whole floor - 1st time just catching a quick glimpse at where they place the pregnancy test items. Then 2nd round, walked passed the items and sort of trying to catch a glimpse of the price, praying that no one was nearby or the staff did not approach me and asked me what am I looking for. In my mind, I was thinking "Silly me.. I'm a married woman and here I am, sheepishly trying to browse the pregnancy test products and still want to look cool by pretending to look at other products (which coincidentally are condoms of all sizes and brands... gaaaaaaaaaa!!)

Anyway, I left the pharmacy without getting anything. Then I stopped outside the pharmacy, take a deep breath and walked back in. This time, I just stood in front of the pregnancy test products, and check each one out. Comparing the prices and what it does, how to test, and so on. I bought the cheapest one (RM10 for 1 test) and hurried back to office since I was 10 minutes past my lunch time. At work, things resume to normal as if nothing happens but I was a nervous wreck.

At home, again, everything was normal as it was. Then I took my bath and did the pregnancy test in the bathroom. Read the instructions few times and follow the steps slowly (I mean, I can only test it out once, if I do it wrongly, I have to buy another one again!!) Then I waited... and waited... and then...

I am speechless... after 3 months of trying and getting disappointed - now... there's 2 blue lines there... I am PREGNANT! I wanted to jump and screamed in the bathroom but then stopped myself, scared hubby will break the door fearing I might have accidentally injured myself in the bathroom or something. So, I keep my cool and dispose of the box and the instruction. Cleaned up test sticks and all and got ready.

Then I walked out, hubby was nowhere in sight. So I lie on the bed, with the pregnancy stick hidden under the blanket, then I waited for hubby to come to the room. When he did, I called him over, told him I want him to see something. He came over, with a worried look (cos I covered myself with blanket) then I took out the pregnancy stick and waved it at him. He take a look at it and went 'Eh?'.

I said 'We are going to have a baby!' Then hubby said 'I'm going to be a daddy?' Then we were both smiling and just happy to know this is real... God's time is never too early, never too late. This is finally our time.

I immediately SMSed my brother (my parents both passed away the year before), followed by my best friend. Then hubby told MIL, and the next day at work, I told my colleagues at work.

I mean, seriously, how can one withhold themselves from such exciting and happy news? By now, I've already regretted and dreaded enough trying to hide from everyone about my pregnancy test - which is kinda silly actually. So I wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake when the news is confirmed!

From the lesson above, I think I understand why people have this superstitious thinking of not telling anyone for the first 3 months of pregnancy. Because this is the delicate stage where there are chances the baby may be miscarried and if things are kept quietly and no one knew about it, then it will save the embarrassment for all parties involved. Same as the time I kept quiet about doing the pregnancy test.

But don't you think that if people know about it, they will be praying for you as well? I think if you fear that people will laugh at you, then that person is not worth being a family/friend with, right? So, since that pregnancy test incident, I told everyone I know that I am pregnant and was happy throughout the time - it was such a joy and I think some of my colleagues are even worried about me being so open about it. Anyway, I am glad I don't keep my pregnancy news to myself and fell for the superstitious thinking anymore...

Genesis 22:15-18 - The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

Psalm 121:7-8 - The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Psalm 127:3-5 - Behold children are a heritage from the LORD. The fruit of the womb is His reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Luke 2:40 - The child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.


fabulous said...

i waited for 3 years to get that positive results. so i cant conceal myself from telling the world the good news haha.

i think its up to individual & its all in the mind, if u comfortable with ppl know abt it since early stages is the miserable part with MS & all

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Hi fabulous,

Yeah agree also, but if ppl know you are pregnant, then they can also be careful around u maaa... :)

Anonymous said...

We have a new book on pregnancy superstitions you might be interested in reading.


Shawn Tassone, MD

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Hi Shawn Tassone!

Welcome to my blog. Thanks for the info. The book sounds interesting. :)

Mumzzy said...

imafulltimemummy: er...sorry can't really agree with you though. I just feel real scared if something were to happen to my bb...that i would get so dissapointed.

btw, thanks for the prayers for the mothers room :)

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Mumzzy, I used to think that too - which is why I kept quiet about the home pregnancy test but when its confirmed I share out the good news cos its a good thing to share with ppl and they are more careful around you when they know you are pregnant (instead of whispering behind your back that you are pregnant but keep quiet about it etc etc)

I guess, every one has their own opinions and thoughts on this la :D

Mumzzy said...

imafulltimemummy: cuz it happened to my good friend. she told her friends of the good news...everyone was so excited for her, asking her this question and that question...then suddenly, she had a miscarriage. and it was really tough on her, and very hard for her to get over it. After i saw my friend suffer from it, very kesian wan u know. I felt so sorry for her. that is why i come to realize the meaning and the reason of keeping mum about the news until the pregnancy is more stable. but this is just my opinion la.

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Mumzzy, so sorry to hear about your friend's case. Hmmm.. I guess everyone had their own opinions.

But don't you find it hard to keep this quiet for few months? Then what happened if after few months then miscarriage and nobody knows about it and you are suffering alone in silence? :(


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