Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
~Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.
Should I have a baby after 35?
~No, 35 children are enough.
I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
~With any luck, right after he finishes high school/college.
How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
~If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
~Yes, your bladder.
What is the most common pregnancy craving?
~For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
~‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.
What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
~Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
~Depends on what you’re doing with them.
Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
~When the sex is between your husband and another woman.
My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
~Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
How long is the average woman in labor?
~Whatever she says, divided by two.
What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
~It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
~Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
Where is the best place to store breast milk?
~In your breasts.
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
~When the kids are in college.