Disorder in the American Courts...

Got this joke from a friend. Not sure whether these are real or not but it's hilarious as usual... enjoy!! :D


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

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10 Things You Didn't Know About You...

Oooo... came across this article. Interesting!

10. Your Stomach Secretes Corrosive Acid
There's one dangerous liquid no airport security can confiscate from you: It's in your gut. Your stomach cells secrete hydrochloric acid, a corrosive compound used to treat metals in the industrial world. It can pickle steel, but mucous lining the stomach wall keeps this poisonous liquid safely in the digestive system, breaking down lunch.

9. Body Position Affects Your Memory
Can't remember your anniversary, hubby? Try getting down on one knee. Memories are highly embodied in our senses. A scent or sound may evoke a distant episode from one's childhood. The connections can be obvious (a bicycle bell makes you remember your old paper route) or inscrutable. A recent study helps decipher some of this embodiment. An article in the January 2007 issue of Cognition reports that episodes from your past are remembered faster and better while in a body position similar to the pose struck during the event.

8. Bones Break (Down) to Balance Minerals
In addition to supporting the bag of organs and muscles that is our body, bones help regulate our calcium levels. Bones contain both phosphorus and calcium, the latter of which is needed by muscles and nerves. If the element is in short supply, certain hormones will cause bones to break downeupping calcium levels in the bodyeuntil the appropriate extracellular concentration is reached.

7. Much of a Meal is Food For Thought
Though it makes up only 2 percent of our total body weight, the brain demands 20 percent of the body's oxygen and calories. To keep our noggin well-stocked with resources, three major cerebral arteries are constantly pumping in oxygen. A blockage or break in one of them starves brain cells of the energy they require to function, impairing the functions controlled by that region. This is a stroke.

6. Thousands of Eggs Unused by Ovaries
When a woman reaches her late 40s or early 50s, the monthly menstrual cycle that controls her hormone levels and readies ova for insemination ceases. Her ovaries have been producing less and less estrogen, inciting physical and emotional changes across her body. Her underdeveloped egg follicles begin to fail to release ova as regularly as before. The average adolescent girl has 34,000 underdeveloped egg follicles, although only 350 or so mature during her life (at the rate of about one per month). The unused egg follicles then deteriorate. With no potential pregnancy on the horizon, the brain can stop managing the release of ova.

5. Puberty Reshapes Brain Structure, Makes for Missed Curfews
We know that hormone-fueled changes in the body are necessary to encourage growth and ready the body for reproduction. But why is adolescence so emotionally unpleasant? Hormones like testosterone actually influence the development of neurons in the brain, and the changes made to brain structure have many behavioral consequences. Expect emotional awkwardness, apathy and poor decision-making skills as regions in the frontal cortex mature.

4. Cell Hairs Move Mucus
Most cells in our bodies sport hair-like organelles called cilia that help out with a variety of functions, from digestion to hearing. In the nose, cilia help to drain mucus from the nasal cavity down to the throat. Cold weather slows down the draining process, causing a mucus backup that can leave you with snotty sleeves. Swollen nasal membranes or condensation can also cause a stuffed schnozzle.

3. Big Brains Cause Cramped Mouths
Evolution isn't perfect. If it were, we might have wings instead of wisdom teeth. Sometimes useless features stick around in a species simply because they're not doing much harm. But wisdom teeth weren't always a cash crop for oral surgeons. Long ago, they served as a useful third set of meat-mashing molars. But as our brains grew our jawbone structure changed, leaving us with expensively overcrowded mouths.

2. The World Laughs with You
Just as watching someone yawn can induce the behavior in yourself, recent evidence suggests that laughter is a social cue for mimicry. Hearing a laugh actually stimulates the brain region associated with facial movements. Mimicry plays an important role in social interaction. Cues like sneezing, laughing, crying and yawning may be ways of creating strong social bonds within a group.

1. Your Skin Has Four Colors
All skin, without coloring, would appear creamy white. Near-surface blood vessels add a blush of red. A yellow pigment also tints the canvas. Lastly, sepia-toned melanin, created in response to ultraviolet rays, appears black in large amounts. These four hues mix in different proportions to create the skin colors of all the peoples of Earth.

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3

Ben has been gumming a lot of things since a month ago. So the other day he gummed the mouth piece of the sippy cup. Actually I was doing an experiment whether he can drink from the sippy cup so I poured about 10ml of water inside to see whether he is able to drink the water (he didn't...) and he end up gumming the soft plasticky material of the mouth piece...

He was so happy with the sippy cup! Just look at his cute pose!!! Anyway, these week have experimented twice, first mashed mangoes, yesterday mashed papaya, just to test whether he can taste and flick his tongue before I officially get the baby rice cereal.

My baby is growing up so fast! Soon, he won't need his mummy's nen-nen already.... :( bwwwuaaaaaaaaaa....

So long WWF!!

I started donating to WWF back in year 2000. The volunteer came over to the company asking us to sign up for the monthly donation. During that time, you can choose to donate as low as RM20 per month.

So I signed up for it and every month without fail, RM20 will be auto debited from my credit card. I earnestly update the WWF (their auto debit programme is managed by another company called Sharity Greetings) when my credit card expired and I got new credit card, when my handbag was snatched and I had a new credit card, when I moved house from Cheras to Klang to PJ where I am now...

Throughout these 9 years, I have received regular bulletins, magazines, calendars, toasters, pins etc from WWF which I enjoyed getting and I'm proud to be walking past the volunteers who sometimes scours around my previous office area looking for contributors. I'd go past them and if they stopped me, I'd say 'Don't waste time on me, go for other ppl. I've been donating to WWF since 2000, keep up the good work!' :)

Anyway, I've to stop this tradition already. Now that I'm a full-time mummy, I have to look into all the channels where my money is going out to. RM20 for a year will total up to RM240, a small sum if I'm still working, but not now.

As much as I really would like to help the animals (I prefer helping animals cos they can't speak up!), I have to stop donating for now. With this, so long WWF. I may not be supporting you financially, but I will always support you guys mentally!! :D

Video-Just for Laugh...

Got a few video clips of jokes from a friend via email. Found 2 of them super hilarious and decided to post it up in the blog for you guys to enjoy! :D

New toys for Ben!

Ok, we have just unwrapped another gift toy we got during Ben's fullmoon party. It's a Dunk & Cheer Basketball toy.

And look at Ben when he's playing the toy!

If you put in 3 AA batteries, you can hear sounds of people cheering for you when you slamdunk the mini basket ball! :D Cool! And the height can be adjusted as well when your child grows and can stand up so it's kind of a neat toy, which can last for sometime.

For now, Ben is just curious with the sounds and the round twirling caps at the top which is supposed to be the scoreboard (also emit sounds when you spin it). Other than that, he pretty much prefers to chew on the basketball net instead of dunking the balls in. :P

Kids write about the ocean...

This is absolutely hysterical! Got it from a joke website. Enjoy! :D

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mary, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

The ring... my precious...

Hubby was doing some spring cleaning today and found my wedding ring! My precious precious diamond wedding ring!!!

A picture of my wedding ring taken during ROM in 7th Nov 07'

I have long forgotten where I kept it cos I took it off (no, I am not divorcing hubby, and no, we're not fighting) somewhere around my 7th month pregnancy.

Talking about how I took off my wedding ring - hahaha.. brings back memories...it started out like this..

Date: Somewhere around my 7th month pregnancy, which is January 2009

Time: Wee hours in the morning, around 2-3am

Venue: On our bed.

Event:

What happened was, I was lying on the bed, thinking how long will it be before my baby is going to come out and how will he look like and then my thoughts wandered off to things like, my tummy is getting heavier... the nerve pain on my left foot is getting more frequent lately, and later on according to my colleagues, I will start to bloat off and my feet will swell up.

Then I looked at my ring and I thought "Oh crap. If I swell up and then I can't take off this ring what happened when I keep swelling up?!" Then my ever imaginative brain started to conjure up images of my body all swollen up and I'm on the labour ward and my hands and fingers are all swollen up and red because the ring is too tight to be taken off and the doctors said they need to saw off my finger to take out the ring so that my blood circulation will not be restricted anymore... and I quickly get off the bed and went to the toilet.

And started taking off my ring. That's when my sh*tty problem began. I managed to pull it down by 1cm and then it got stuck. I took a deep breath and told myself, OK, we'll try again tomorrow. So I pushed the ring back to its original position and it wouldn't budge. Crap... super crapola...

What started as an innocent (and stupid horror imagination) act to take off the ring turns into a frenzy of pulling up and down the ring - it lasted for about half an hour, of which by then my ring finger has turned red and sore. I really panicked now cos the ring will not move and my finger is really starting to swell. I tried the hand wash, the shampoo, the bath lotion, my hand lotion, nothing works... crapppppppp!!!!

So, I washed my hand, walked to hubby who is already in la-la-land long long ago.. and woke him up. Imagine if you are my hubby, who is deep in sleep and was nudged off awaking to a figure with long shouldered length hair standing right next to you and the figure is flashing her hand to you without saying anything.. hahahaha... hubby jumped up and said what's wrong, why am I standing there and waving my hand.

So I relate the whole incident to him and asked him to help me take off the ring, or at least push it back down to its position. Then the laser show began... I mean, his laser mouth... 'Why you take off the ring for?" "Why don't you tell people when you do this type of thing?" "See, your finger swollen up if no blood circulation affect baby how?!!!!" "What are you thinking!!!!"

Gaaaaaaaa.... after about an hour of massaging my finger with baby oil, the swell reduces a bit, enough for hubby to push the ring back to its position. Then he told me to go to sleep, don't do any funny thing already. Wait till the swell subsides, then slowly try again.

The next day at work, my finger is all red and you can practically see the area where we tried to move the ring up and down... but every now and then I will be trying to shift the ring around, trying to get it off. Finally almost near afternoon at work, I managed to take off the ring! Woohoooo!!! When I got home, I kept that ring in a pouch which hubby found today and placed into a proper jewelry box for me!

I won't be wearing the ring for now, scared it might scratch Ben... so it's gonna stay in the jewelry box for now...

Management Speak...

Hahaha... found another jokes on management language... enjoy!

* Management Speak: That's very interesting.
Translation: I disagree.


* Management Speak: I don't totally disagree with you.
Translation: You may be right, but I don't care.


* Management Speak: You have to show some flexibility.
Translation: You have to do it whether you want to or not.


* Management Speak: We have an opportunity.
Translation: You have a problem.


* Management Speak: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
Translation: This is awful.


* Management Speak: Help me to understand.
Translation: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.


* Management Speak: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
Translation: We're going to do it my way.


* Management Speak: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
Translation: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail program.


* Management Speak: We have to leverage our resources.
Translation: You're working weekends.


* Management Speak: Your project is on hold.
Translation: We've put a bullet in it.


* Management Speak: You needed to be more proactive.
Translation: You should have protected me from myself.


* Management Speak: I'd like your buy-in on this.
Translation: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.


* Management Speak: We have to put on our marketing hats.
Translation: We have to put ethics aside.


* Management Speak: It's a no-brainer.
Translation: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.


* Management Speak: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
Translation: One person couldn't possibly come up with something this stupid.


* Management Speak: There are larger issues at stake.
Translation: I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the facts.


* Management Speak: I'll never lie to you.
Translation: The truth will change frequently.


* Management Speak: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
Translation: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.

Anti chain letter...

Ok, ok...this is a great way to reply people who sent you chain letters..

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? "Ooooh, looky-here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!". What a bunch of bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big F*CK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by the Romans in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

I hate chain letters...

Yes, I hate getting chain letters. I hate the thought of being cursed / having bad luck / etc etc if I don't forward to the next x number of people within x amount of times. I hate the thought of having to select out the list of friends who I am forwarding it to. I hate the feeling of knowing it's total crap but there are those mails that are designed to be inspiring type and the end always comes with 'Forward this on to x number of people (including me) and I'd end up feeling guilty if I don't at least resend it back to the person who send it to me...

I think at one point during high school times (these was before we have the luxury of owning a computer and printer) and there was this chain letters craze phase... boy oh boy... we actually went to photostat the chain letter we got and mailed it out... crazy... nuts...

Anyway, I found this jokes from my archive of jokes. Enjoy!


The 4 Types of Chain Letters
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There are four basic types of chain letters:

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Chain Letter Type I

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no pecker. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent. So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad goat will rape your dead body. Thanks again!!

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Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!!

(This is where you have to scroll down)






Really, go on and make one wish!!!






Oh please, s/he'll never go out with you!!!






Wish something else!!!






Not *that* either, you pervert!!






Is your finger getting tired yet?






You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because , you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes.

Send this to 1 person: One person will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

5-10 people: 5-10 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

10-20 people: 10-20 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

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Chain Letter Type III

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it . Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Of course, there's the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3 children and lived happily ever after.

Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with his secretary and boozing. Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3 children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they got divorced. She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his car and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald's.

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Chain Letter Type IV

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends


- A friend is someone who is always at your side,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
- A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,

Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in your sleep!!

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There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

TRASH IT!!! If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forget to delete the chain letter part. But if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.

Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!" Thank you.''

10 Commandments of marriage...

Got this joke via email from an ex-colleague. Enjoy! :D

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven.
But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook...
But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.

Ridiculously Priced Face Mask!

As I read today's article in Star paper ("Face masks now a price-controlled item"), I can't help but wonder... does it really work? Come on... think about it... paying up to RM5 a piece for the mask is kinda too much!! So, there I go again, scouting on the cyberspace looking for information...

Below are the links and excerpts of the articles I found:

Can masks help stop flu spread?
The Department of Health has focused on getting what are known as respirator masks. These have filters, which stop a person breathing in some particles in the air. They are much more effective than the standard surgical masks or dust masks that are sometimes used by builders.
However, none of the masks can stop 100% of the particles getting through and become less effective once they become moist. Instead, they are better at stopping the virus getting out. Masks alone will not prevent spread of the influenza virus and basic hygiene measures like hand washing, safe use and disposal of tissues and cleaning of environmental surfaces are key to preventing infection transmission.

Can a Mask Prevent Swine Flu?
Sure, if someone is coughing or sneezing in your face, a mask might help. Also, if you know that you're going to be around someone with swine flu, such as a loved one, a mask might be warranted. But otherwise, that’s not the most effective strategy for preventing swine flu because you don't catch most respiratory viruses from people coughing in your face.

Here's what generally happens. Someone with a virus sneezes or coughs in their hand. Then, they touch something like an elevator button or a doorknob. You come along a few minutes later and touch that same button or knob. Then, without thinking about it, you touch your face – your mouth, nose, or eyes – and the virus takes hold of you.

As mundane as it sounds, the most effective way to prevent getting respiratory viruses like swine flu is washing your hands. But most of us don’t do it often enough and don’t do it the right way.

In summary, I think using face masks will help you from spreading your virus to others when you sneeze / cough, but I guess, most important is for ourselves to keep ourselves clean and maintain good and proper hygiene. What's the point of wearing the mask if you don't keep yourself and your surrounding clean?

Not again... the ulcer returns...

Just almost a month shy after I last blogged about having mouth ulcers and now I have it again.... bahhh... this is so irritating... I have tried BM but it doesn't work cos my saliva washes/dilutes it away.

Now when I think of it, I have always had mouth ulcers - the only time I don't have it was when I was pregnant, probably bcos' I was taking prenatal vitamins then...

The medicines below have been tried and failed to heal my ulcers.. in fact some of them actually helps my ulcer to breed! I remember one time putting salt on the ulcer, then another 3 erupted before the original one heals...

There are times when I used to get real pissed at having ulcers that I'd go for nasi lemak and spicy stuff to make the ulcer erupts faster.

I'm currently using the last one (Dexaltin - RM9.90 for 2g gram tube) - sort of like a super mini tube paste which after applying onto the ulcer area, it coats the ulcer and I don't feel the pain anymore. It lasted for few hours even while I was having my kon-lou noodle soup right after applying it!

Let's see how long it takes for my ulcers to heal... :(

Hillarious baby pacifier...

I can't help but to post this. Although Ben does not use the pacifier much - I can count with 1 hand the number of times Ben used a pacifier, I just want to post this up... it's so hilarious... hahahaha...

What goes up, must come down...

OK, actually it doesn't go up... it's just that it's kinda high and now, it's coming down...

I'm talking about our master bed. Our King size Cellini bed. It's not even 2 years old... but because its kinda high (about 3 feet I think), hubby and I decided it's time to dismantle it and lower down the mattress. We've been dragging the decision to dismantle it but two days ago, Ben has started to up his butt and any of these days he will master the crawling tricks and if we don't do anything soon, accidents might happen. A three-feet fall on to the floor is not a joke.

So, today after swaying Ben off to sleep in the afternoon, I got MIL to watch after Ben in the playpen while I helped hubby to dismantle the bed. I did not managed to take the before picture but our bed is this design (taken from the website):



Picture below is the King size mattress that came with the bed which we put aside:

I remembered when the bed got delivered to our house, it took 4 of the staff to carry it up to 2nd floor where our master room is.



That's hubby in the picture above, unscrewing the bed frame...



This is taken after we have put back the mattress onto the floor. We also added a new single bed mattress right next to the King size (we are not kiasu nor kiasi) - just that since Ben is going to start crawling soon, better we add more crawling space for him hahahaha... Oh, we surrounded the mattresses with those alphabets mat - looks nice, eh?

We're still getting used to the new 'heights' of the bed (mattress) now - in fact, hubby just went 'woooowww... I thought still got some more space when I got off the bed, forgot bed lower now hahaha'.

Apart from the master bed, we have also dismantle the baby crib. I think we only used it in the 1st week after delivery, since then Ben sleeps with us so that baby crib sort of end up becoming my storage rack where I put my water bottle, books, toys, etc etc..

Why no one told us NOT to buy so nice expensive and high bed before we got married? Hmmm...

New toys from Japan for Ben!

Ben's uncle Akira (hubby's cousin) just got back from Japan last week for 2 weeks holiday and got Ben a cute toy (2-in-1 toy actually).

First toy is a seal...

Second toy is this blue-coloured sting-ray which has a Velcro tabs at its tummy...

So to combine both together, just put the seal toy under the sting-ray's tummy and Velcro it together!

Genius!!

My thoughts on Confinement & its taboos...

Confinement practises... hmm... I've been wanting to talk about my confinement experiences... So, here goes...

Mine was a DIY confinement.. thanks to my confinement lady (CL) who broke her leg 2 weeks before my due date (she went to Bali for holiday). At the last minute, I was not able to locate any replacement CL. Even my CL couldn't recommend any of her friends as normally you need to book a CL months before your due date. In fact, this CL of mine was the 7th person we called and managed to get...

I was 4 month pregnant when we started scouting for a CL. Through friends' and colleagues' recommendation, we tried and failed... until I went to surf on the Net, found the 6th CL contact, called her up only to be told she is based in Ipoh (she can travel to your place tho') but she was already booked in March (I was due mid March 09').

The next day, I got a call from this lady who said her friend (CL #6) passed my mobile number to her. Turns out CL #7 stays about 10 minutes from my house! We went to her house to survey and interviewed her, and paid our deposit (RM500) to book her for March 09'.

What I can tell about her:

• She works for 28 days only
  
• Her fees are RM3,300 (excluding angpow which you need to give when your baby full-moon) - and her fees doubled if my confinement period falls on CNY...
  
• She does the cooking (and marketing if you / spouse are not able to go market bcos of work etc etc)
  
• She only washes for the baby and the mum (but she told me to buy & use disposable panties throughout the confinement period)
• She will sleep with the baby (which we don't want to actually - don;t want baby to be accustomed to her smell)
• She is pro formula/bottle feeding - we noticed this when we mentioned about our intention to fully breastfeed baby from day 1 and she mentioned 'You just buy a tin of formula just in case you don't have enough milk laa' (which, from the moment I was pregnant until this day, our house do not have a single tin/can of formula milk at all, we are that insistent to breastfeed our baby!)

Anyway, on the day she broke her bad news to me, I was at work, about to attend a project meeting and my CL called to inform that I need to look for another CL. She said she will refund me the deposit (as if money will help in anything then...) and keep saying sorry and that I need to collect the deposit ASAP (latest by that day itself) cos she's going back to her hometown to rest and heal her leg. After the call ended, I went to the restroom, locked myself in one of the cubicle, pulled down the toilet seat, sat on it... think think think... and cried quietly like a slaughtered pig.

I was so devastated with the news. It's not like I made the arrangements last minute, and yet I am left to deal with this. I texted my hubby and he replied 'don't worry dear, I will be your confinement lady for 2mths oso can. Maybe this is God's way of telling us to let go and let Him handle this' (I still kept that SMS in my mobile)

So from that day onwards, I surfed the Net, trying to gather as much info I can about confinement practises. The fact that we're attending the antenatal class that time helps a great deal. The trainer actually told us why there are such confinement taboos, the logic of it and why we should not continue on doing it in these modern days.

In the class, we learnt how to recognise labour signs (not working for me judging that I only realised I'm having contractions few hours before I reached the hospital which I supposedly go for labour induce), breathing exercise (which helps a great deal when I was waiting for hubby to register for me to be admitted to hospital - from then on, mind went blank hahahaha...), baby care on bathing, changing diapers, etc etc (helps hubby since he took care of Ben during the 1st month), breastfeeding (helps me a great deal!), birth pain relief options (which helps!)

After delivery, we engaged the trainer for the post-natal home visits (3 times for RM100) to check whether we are doing things correctly since we are pretty much doing confinement on our own.

I think the lessons learned here are:

• No matter how you planned, things may not work out the way you wanted (i.e. ended up doing DIY confinement despite engaging the CL 5 mths before I delivered)
• No matter how bad things seem to be (i.e. no CL 2 weeks before due!), God will not leave you flailing about and lost (i.e. by doing our own confinement, hubby & I bonded with Ben faster, not to mention saving ourselves RM3,300!!)

Come to think of it now, if the CL did not break her leg, we will actually be spending RM3K+ for her to cook and wash for baby. Think about it, we insist on breastfeeding and that baby sleeps with us at night. So, what is there left for the CL to do? My MIL can cook too and she did helped out with our DIY confinement by cooking those herbs and stuff (we didn't ask her to help care for Ben cos she's 60+ and had knee problems, so we didn't want to trouble her, that's why thought of getting a CL). So, God works in a mysterious way, just that we can't see it at that point in time.

Now, on the topic of confinement taboos, I think I broke most of it within the 1st week after I discharged from the hospital hahahahah... btw, I got this list of taboos from the Net:

• Cannot wash hair for 21 days or bathe for 12 days. (I bathed right after delivered when I got back to my VIP suite, hey, I'm all bloodied up down there and whoever dares to tell me not to bath is gonna get themselves killed...)
  
• Cannot be directly exposed to wind (hot, for example, hairdryer; or cold, for example, air-conditioning). (Yeah, try to turn off that air-cond in my RM300/night VIP suite will get you killed too!)
  
• Can only watch TV or read for 15 minutes at a time, so that the eyes are well-rested. (Yeah, the TV in my RM300/night VIP suite is on 24hrs throughout the 3 days 2 nights I was there!)
• Cannot cry. (Actually I cried on the 5th day - that's when Ben got jaundice and needs to overnight in the hospital and the nurse initially told us to go home and parents not allowed to stay since no more rooms available for parents...)
• Cannot carry heavy objects (including the baby), over-exert self or walk up and down the stairs. (Hmmm... I remembered being scolded by the nurse when I walked around real fast about 5 hours after I delivered Ben - was looking for hubby who followed a nurse to bath Ben...)
• Cannot drink water for the first 20 days, only rice wine (with the alcohol “steamed” away). (does the IV drip hooked to me while I delivered Ben count as water? Anyway, broke this taboo as well...)
• Must wear socks, long pants, long shirt (cover up) (hah! The first thing i got home was wear singlet and short pants. i wore it thruout my confinement time hahahah... it is so hot and stuffy!! how could i cover up??!!!)

Below are from another site:

• Do not shower or wash your hair. (I showered right after delivery, washed my hair after 1 week, got hubby to keep watch for me while i blowdry my hair hahahahah...)
• Do not sleep in front of the fan or air conditioning unit or have direct contact with cold, constantly blowing wind. (I slept with fan 2 feet from me, air-cond 2 horsepower above me and I'm still sweating like a pig...)
• Do not drink cold or chilled drinks. (I had a sip of Pepsi 12 days after delivering Ben - it was my birthday and hubby got me a McD McChicken meal set minus the soft drink... he let me have a sip after i found the hidden Pepsi... yummmmm... heavenly...!)
• Do not consume excessively “cooling” foods (like kang kong, cucumber, Brinjal, Chinese pears, barley etc. (ok, i don't eat all this but its bcos i don't eat veggie... muahahaha...)
• Do not lift heavy objects or overexert the body excessively. (does lifting your newborn son to breastfeed him count as lifting heavy object?)
• Do not engage in strenuous/ high impact exercises. (does breastfeeding every 2 hours count as strenous activity??)

Anyway, there are tons of other stuff which we didn't do as well like:

• We didn't shaved Ben's head bald - until today, he has such perfect and beautiful and even hair
• We didn't bath Ben in alcohol/beer (antenatal class trainer said dangerous for baby as their skin will absorbs the alcohol)

I'm not saying rules are made to be broken, but then we should not follow things blindly too. There are reasons why there are such confinement taboos but we've gotta think logically where are we staying... Malaysia has only 1 weather all year round - it's not fun (and certainly not funny) to not bath/wash hair for even more than 1 day!!!

i hate it when ppl tell me 'if you don't do it/listen, next time when you are old, you'll get arthritis and all'... then when i ask why cannot do this/that, they will say 'you don't ask, just follow. Old folks all say the same thing sure must have a point mahhh'.. yeah... rite... whatever... until they can tell me the logic and justify the taboo, I guess I'll rely on my instincts better... :)