Friday, 21 August 2009

Management Speak...

Hahaha... found another jokes on management language... enjoy!

* Management Speak: That's very interesting.
Translation: I disagree.

* Management Speak: I don't totally disagree with you.
Translation: You may be right, but I don't care.

* Management Speak: You have to show some flexibility.
Translation: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

* Management Speak: We have an opportunity.
Translation: You have a problem.

* Management Speak: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
Translation: This is awful.

* Management Speak: Help me to understand.
Translation: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

* Management Speak: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
Translation: We're going to do it my way.

* Management Speak: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
Translation: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail program.

* Management Speak: We have to leverage our resources.
Translation: You're working weekends.

* Management Speak: Your project is on hold.
Translation: We've put a bullet in it.

* Management Speak: You needed to be more proactive.
Translation: You should have protected me from myself.

* Management Speak: I'd like your buy-in on this.
Translation: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

* Management Speak: We have to put on our marketing hats.
Translation: We have to put ethics aside.

* Management Speak: It's a no-brainer.
Translation: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.

* Management Speak: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
Translation: One person couldn't possibly come up with something this stupid.

* Management Speak: There are larger issues at stake.
Translation: I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the facts.

* Management Speak: I'll never lie to you.
Translation: The truth will change frequently.

* Management Speak: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
Translation: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.


Mark said...

These are funny for those just reading them. For those like me who've experience them, they bring tears to the eyes, and a sharp pain in the chest! =-P


I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Aiyor... so sad ar? At least you know these are real things la! If you heard anything other than those listed in the post, feel free to add it in! :D

Mark said...

I'm such a famous guy, cannot lah...wouldn't want to burn any bridges! =-P



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